Spam at its lowest #5

I know, I know, it's been a while. I've been busy with work and all kinds of excuses that probably aren't appropriate for markfeigenson.com. Speaking of inappropriate, I'm back for some more spam reporting. I know you like this stuff. Why? Because it's just senseless entertainment and reminds us of how many douchebags there really are in the world. If you can believe it, my other email inbox now has 2,870 new pieces of email-- a new record. Of course, some are totally legitimate - 3, to be exact. Here's a bunch from the other 2,867 with some honest commentary indicated by [ and ]. I've included the sender's name in a few cases, just to reinforce what pinheads they are.


-Save Thousands Rates are going up, lock in at historic lows, free application
[Dude- rates are no longer at historic lows. That was like 3 years ago. Further, I'm not impressed by your "free" application. You'll just try to rape me with some other administrative fee and call it something else.]

-From: dchakravortyy___You tried everything to fight away the Erectile Dysfunction: the best porno site...
[I did try everything. Including avoiding DUMBASS emails from "dchakravortyy". Nothing worked.]

-From: Wireless TV___Watch TV outdoors or in any room- You could get a Sony LocationFree TV on us!
[I want to thank you for informing me that I can watch TV in any room. I'm pretty sure the only pre-requisites for this are that a) the TV has to be able to FIT in the room, and b) it has to not be facing the wall.]

-From: The Lottery Tracker___Mark, This never happened before
[And I can say with 100% certainty that it's not going to happen now, either.]

-From: drk19344814___Asian girl gives blowjob
[Are you writing me from prison? I think you need to make your headlines a little more interesting, to compete with all the other scum.]

-From: Refinance___When it comes to refinancing, there really is no time like the present.
[Sure there is. Three years ago was a better time than the present. Besides, how about the 643 other times you sent me this same email? Is this no time like those were? I thought there was no time like then. Make up your mind, man.]

-From: BrianPurdy___With Penis Enlarge Patch she can use your dick as a huge toothbrush.
[This may be the funniest spam email I've ever gotten. Paints such a great picture. Kudos BrianPurdy, whoever you are.]

-1000's of Ringtones... On the House... Get Yours Now
[I was just thinking... what could I really use now.... ooh, I know, THOUSANDS OF RINGTONES, to annoy me.]

-My black lingerie and spreaded asshole
[I love spam from foreign or stupid douchebags. They can't even get the syntax right, much less begin to interest me in something.]

For your wife’s last b-day you gave her a vibrator because of your hopeless Erec...
[Let me understand this; you're going to SHAME me into buying your erectile dysfunction medication?]

Pulverize fattie plump pussy
[Maybe it's just me, but the last thing I'd think to do with a fattie plump pussy, is pulverize it, you know? Sounds painful. Why do that?]

Drop 12 pounds by Friday!
[All I'm gonna say is that I got this on a Wednesday. If I'm losing six pounds a day, I've got bigger problems than spam.]

Now is the time to upgrade with a Complimentary Sony VAIO Notebook computer!
[Wait-- what about the other 83 times you claimed it was the time to upgrade? At this point, why don't you just GIVE me the damn computer already so you can stop sending me this same craphole email every week?]