Spam at its lowest #4

I get a lot of requests to respond to the best of the constant barrage of totally serious, yet presumptuously desperate spam emails I get in my other inbox. This time, 2083 new emails arrived in the past few weeks. Here's another sampling of the subject lines from the latest winners, with some commentary as indicated by [ and ].

•Arë yöu lööking to gët läid,guyz 
[Wëll, nöw thät yöu subtlëly bypässëd my späm filtërs with yöur umläuts, I rëälly höpë thë girlz ärë wëäring liëderhösën]

•Amber Rain gags then gets hard anal then gags
[Why would she gag first, then gag again from anal? It just doesn't make any sense.]

•Generik Viagra lifts your penis as a huge crane.
[Ahh, the power of exaggeration using a metaphor. How clever!]

•Everest College Online, a better way to earn your degree
[Better than what? Iona College?]

•No batteries are required for our perfect Replica Classics watches.
[So, it's magic? Or they don't actually work? I think they probably just need to be wound up.]

•Praise God, wear a Heavenly T-shirt
[That's so sweet, but no thanks.]

•Notice: Loww mortagee ratee approved
[I'm really glad they got back to me. I almost forgot I was getting approved for a mortgage by a bank that can't spell the word.]

•Hairy asian college
[I may have to go back and click on this one.]

•Purchase best software while sitting on your chair.
[Whew, thanks for the suggestion. I would have thought you really need to be in an elevator or a bathtub to purchase the best software, you know?]

•New way to make your "friend" lil bigger
[Shh! I think they mean "penis", but I'm not positive.]

•By buying 180 pills, be ready for 15 free pills and free shipping as a bonus.
[Wow, a 9% discount. And free shipping? Can anyone truly be ready for a deal this good?]

•Say Goodbye to Baldness and Get A Gas Card On Us - Details Inside
[Boy, do they know how to cross-promote related products, or what? Say hello to your new PropeciaSunoco Card!]