The truth is,

baked lays kinda suck.

virtually 100% of my mail is junkmail or bills.

if you get charged the wrong amount, you will be overcharged.
how often do you get undercharged?

it's been done. probably even a brilliantly original post like this.

if it was up to women to approach men at any social gathering,
the human race would end.

cab drivers never take anyone for a ride. they want you out of their cab as soon as possible so they can start that meter again at 3.50, instead of waiting for the 40c increments.

you will never get a raise if you don't ask for one. you won't necessarily get one by asking either.

there's no such thing as a mutual break-up.

Steven Segal is fun to watch, I don't care what anyone says.

Quizno's is way better than Blimpie or Subway.

my new year's resolutions last about a week.

I have no idea why I started a blog.

horses smell like ass, though you can never tell from watching a movie.

my friends and I giggled every time we heard the word 'come', until we were about 15.

I still own over 100 pounds of Lego.

I will never play the guitar as well as Jon Clarke.

some people honestly don't understand that it's wrong to not clean up after your dog.

almost nothing works out exactly the way you think it will.

when one door closes, another one does not always open. sometimes, the door slams shut. if your fingers don't get caught in that door, it's a good day.

the moment I can't come up with another idea, my career is over.

it's just a matter of time before we see two Starbuck's right next to each other.

anyone who says they don't like bacon is lying.

I'm tired of hearing black comedians joke about racism.

I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather live.

implants are nauseating.

you're not gay if you like John Denver.

honesty is not always the best policy. but it usually is.

women notice men's shoes for some reason.

Madame Toussaud's Wax museum is a pathetic waste of money. trust me on this.

I cheated on my college economics final.

my economics professor was a dufus.