Spam at its lowest #2

I wanted to follow up on my last spam report from a few weeks ago. My old yahoo account has filled up yet again with an additional 1961 bulk emails, as well as 85 new emails in my inbox, 80 of which are spam. I picked a few special ones from the bulk folder that I thought you might enjoy. I have added some commentary, as indicated by [ and ]. Here they are:

*beauteous russian goluptious Gays here
[Wait, are they saying these Gays are both beauteous AND goluptious?
You just don't see those qualities in a man much anymore.]

*Longer 0rgasms is possible for you?You think no?You WRONG
[God, this one always makes me cry, it's just written so beautifully.
And to think I've been wrong all this time.]

*rreproachable Pennis present
[Wha?]

*dead, drunk mature lady fucking with young guy
[So basically, an old lady who was drunk and, um, DEAD, was fucking 'with' a young guy? Do I have this right?]

*Nominate yourself for a Certificate
[And give yourself a big raise too!]

*Mark, Shed LBS. with H00DIA-Gordonii
[Move over, Slimfast.... there's a new sheriff in town, named, er, H00dia-something.]

*Two gorgeous girls get analed
[I'm ashamed to say that while 'analed' is hardly a proper verb, I know EXACTLY what they mean.]

*For your wife’s b-day you want to make a sperm firework for her? Soft Cialis Tab...
[Isn't that what should happen on MY birthday? I can't help but think that on her birthday, she'd prefer a pair of diamond studs.]

*mark Enjoy a Free Louis Vuitton Purse and Wallet set!
[They finally get something right... they actually personalized this one, which is smart.
Then they ruin it with an offer that's simply not believable.]

*Try Penis Enlarge Patch by yourself and tell your friend about it.
[I have no intention of trying a Penis Enlarge Patch, for starters. And if I did, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't tell my friends about it.]

*Christian lenders compete to give you the best home loan
[Ahh, but do they compete to the death? Then, and only then, will I know they are fully committed to me.]

*Take fifteen hundred - pay us later
[Whew, $1,500... finally I can pay off my whole mortgage.]

*Stop the mockeries about your small dick.
[I can't get through an hour at the office without SOMEONE mocking my small dick. Make it stop!]