Paris Hilton Arrested for DUI.

Eight pounds of gold, doing the rhumba downtown with 800 pounds of copper. ALT caption: Puss & Boots. Heh! I could do this all day long.

Christ, what is it with the rich and famous? Last month, Mel Gibson. Now Paris Hilton. And a thousand pinhead movie stars and other well-to-doggydo jackoffs in between. Of course, it is debatable whether this even qualifies as news, much less whether it belongs on the homepage of msnbc, but regardless, there is justice in the world after all. Paris, you may be free of any discernable talent, but you are indeed an entertainer. And for that, we thank you. These incredibly tough times will provide you with at least a sentence-worth of material for your next smash album.