I think I'm going to be sick.

She's beautiful. She's rich. She weighs eight pounds. But as far as I can tell, Paris Hilton is not a musician. She's a brand name with a pretty face and a nice rack. At least Britney Spears can dance. The question is, will Paris Hilton be signing her name at this thing, or simply signing an X? I'm going to buy this album, not because Paris is so talented, or because she's ever uttered an original thought, but because I can't believe Paris Hilton actually has an album. I have to hear this. Of course, the worse it is, the better it will sell. Move over, William Hung.